LPTP Thread #5 - - and away we go

John G
John G
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These are classified ads,

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little Bastard.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

**** And the WINNER is... ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

mikey
mikey
Joined: 22 Jan 05
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RE: RE: A policeman in

Quote:
Quote:

A policeman in Ontario pulls over a Newfie for speeding, and while he’s writing out the ticket a fly was bothering the Cop, so the Newfie says, "Dat’s a circle fly, sir."
The policeman asks, "what’s a circle fly?"
Newfie replies, "dem are da flies you find in da barn, circlin' around a 'orses ass."
The policeman asks, "are you calling me a horses ass?"
"Oh no, sir . . . I would never say a t'ing like dat . . . but you can't fool dem flies, sir."

Ohhhh, the shame of it all. Our "thread's founder" violated one of his own rules - a back-to-back post.

He can't win anyway so it doesn't really matter.

As for seeing things hiding I am 90% color blind, that means shading rarely works for things as I can't see the subtleties anyway. During Vietnam they used LOTS of color blind people, only men are color blind as it is genetic, to look at photos and determine where the camouflage netting was and what was real foliage. Now with digital imaging the computer does alot of that.

I also know a fly joke...two flies are cruising around looking for trouble and see a barn in the distance, they decide to fly over and check it out. As they get closer they smell fresh manure, ie FOOD!!! As they fly into the barn they see a large pile of manure and dive right in and start eating! Oh my goodness do they eat, they eat and eat and eat and eat and eat, they take a little break and then start eating some more! They eat and eat and eat and eat until they just can't eat any more and decide it's probably time to fly home and tell their families about this bounty. They start flapping their wings but just can't get airborne, seems they have eaten so much they are just too heavy! They look around and see a shovel and come up with a plan, they will climb up the shovel and then fly home. So the first fly climbs up to the top to the metal starts flapping his wings really hard, takes off, soars a little bit then SMACK right into the barn floor and DIES!! The second thinks to himself 'well that was pretty stupid, that's a big shovel and he only went part way up, I will go all the way to the top and will be home in no time'. So after a little rest the second fly climbs all the way to the top of the shovel and then takes another little break to recover his strength. After he is recovered he starts flapping his wings really really hard and after he is sure he is ready he jumps off, he soars a little bit, starts to climb and thinks he is home free when all of sudden he drops like a rock and SMACK, dies as he hits the barn floor, just like his buddy! The moral of the story...NEVER fly off the handle when you are full of 'shit'e!!

I am WINNING!!!

John G
John G
Joined: 22 Jul 07
Posts: 215
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In Florida, you may not pass

In Florida, you may not pass gas in a public place after 6:00 p.m.

TimeLord04
TimeLord04
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Good morning everyone. :-)

Good morning everyone. :-)

TimeLord04
Have TARDIS, will travel...
Come along K-9!
Join SETI Refugees

John G
John G
Joined: 22 Jul 07
Posts: 215
Credit: 11884671
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"Don't worry about the world

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."

Charles Schulz

Mike Hewson
Mike Hewson
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RE: "Don't worry about the

Quote:

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."

Charles Schulz


Quite right Charles. We are the tip of the spear flying into the future. If I stop posting at E@H folks, look for the glow on your southern horizons. The Asteroid will have hit.

I only watch TV every few days at most. My logic is as follows : if it's just static then they've stopped transmitting, and if that then The Bomb has been dropped. This I feel is the best way for me to detect if The Game Of Nukes has happened. I can't imagine Melbourne even being on anyone's tertiary target list. And I can't think of a better use for my TV set than as an Apocalypse Detector.

Speaking of which : has anyone seen the movie On The Beach ? Greg Peck, Ava Gardner, Fred Astaire, Anthony Perkins et al. End of the civilization, last bastion of mankind before the radioactive cloud hits ? If nothing else it proves that while Fred can sing and dance, he can't act.

In any event I know a guy who was in the movie ! Truly Ruly. Cross My Heart. Yes he was but a few months old and in his mother's arms, who as an extra was standing on the Frankston station platform. A panning shot. Got a whole 7 second cut ! When I was with him at Uni we all had a beer & pizza party to watch it and celebrate his entry into the acting profession. We gave him a standing ovation for that scene. Alas he peaked his career too early and had to fail downwards into medicine .....

It is NOT true that Ava said that Melbourne 'was a great place to make a movie about the end of the world'. That's a lie. She said it was 'was an outstanding place to make a movie about the end of the world'. Get it right movie buffs. The port scenes show our waterfront just as devoid of activity then as now. There were some particular Aussie touches to the screenplay eg. if you take a suicide pill then wash it down with a nutritious glass of milk. Very Australian indeed and nice of the director to put that in.

Cheers, Mike.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter ...

... and my other CPU is a Ryzen 5950X :-) Blaise Pascal

TimeLord04
TimeLord04
Joined: 8 Sep 06
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Posting before dinner.

Posting before dinner. (Probably won't be eating for another hour, anyway.)

TimeLord04
Have TARDIS, will travel...
Come along K-9!
Join SETI Refugees

Mike Hewson
Mike Hewson
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Joined: 1 Dec 05
Posts: 6546
Credit: 287518334
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Actually a Real Aussie Bloke

Actually a Real Aussie Bloke would not have taken the suicide pill. He'd be out there raging at the radioactive cloud while it engulfed him. I would make no difference in the end. But just because it's an apocalypse doesn't mean you have to be crap at it ! :-)

Cheers, Mike.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter ...

... and my other CPU is a Ryzen 5950X :-) Blaise Pascal

John G
John G
Joined: 22 Jul 07
Posts: 215
Credit: 11884671
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There are 92 known cases of

There are 92 known cases of nuclear bombs lost at sea.

Mike Hewson
Mike Hewson
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Credit: 287518334
RAC: 73700

RE: There are 92 known

Quote:
There are 92 known cases of nuclear bombs lost at sea.


As Walt White says : 'you got me' .... I've been collecting them.

Using my network of submersibles I have been picking them up after arranging for them to be lost in the first place. I have been making chess pieces out of them. I will have three full sets when I get to number ninety-six. Please contribute to my Kickstarter effort to get the others. I'm only missing four pawns so that will be cheaper. Give me a call at the Kylie Minogue Sanctuary for Insane Skippies .... muahahaha, chihuahua, muahahaha, chihuahua ......

[ .... is dragged away from Mattel's Master of World Domination Playset for under 3's .... ]

Cheers, Mike.

( edit ) This is the quality of post you get from DownUnda, on a Friday, just before Beer O'clock.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter ...

... and my other CPU is a Ryzen 5950X :-) Blaise Pascal

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